Wednesday’s Musings…

Going through the motions every day, I start to wonder, “Who am I?, What makes me tick?, What do I want out of life? Am I doing what I want to do now?  Am I happy?  Am I Fulfilled?”

I’m not sure if I’m depressed or if something else is going on with me right now.  Maybe this is the time of my life when I’m not supposed to “get it”, you know?  Maybe I’m supposed to go through the motions right now and search for an identity that truly defines me.   

I feel like the days of the week are too long and the weekends are too short.  I feel like I’m not progressing with my nutritional choices and diet and that my workouts are falling short of my expectations.  I feel like I don’t care anymore about a lot of things sometimes.  I’m always lethargic.  I’ve been arguing with D a lot and I don’t know why. 

Why have I been so unhappy lately?  I’m doing well in my job, I live in a great city, I have great friends, I date a really amazing guy.  But why does a part of me feel, well…. empty?  I don’t feel like I have an interest in much anymore and the days just all blur together.  Maybe I’m in need of a vacation?  A change of scenery?  Maybe I should quit my job and discover my talents as an artist.  I mean, I’ve always known that I could paint, sculpt, write, draw, craft up a fun home-made card, or whip up a tasty banana bread loaf. 

Re-reading this makes me sound contradictory.  Like I don’t know what I’m talking about or I’m not in connection with my true self right now.  That’s it, really.  I can’t remember the last time I finished a really good book.  I don’t remember having a good night’s sleep and feeling truly rested when I’ve woken up in the morning.  Maybe I have mono?

D thinks I’m a hypocondriate.  Maybe I am?

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