My Favorite “It’s Always Sunny…” Quotes











I’ve been somewhat addicted to watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” since I ordered seasons 1+2 on DVD from netflix.  Anywho, in my obsessiveness, I’ve collected a handful of great quotes:

  1. “It’s a free country… b*tch.”
  2. “You’re god damn right I’m a killer.”
  3. “I will eat your babies, b*tch.”
  4. “Why don’t you shut your fat little monkey face…”
  5. “Here’s a confession… I’m in love with a man.
    I’m in love with a man. A man called God.
    Does that make me gay?  Am I gay for God?
    You betcha.”
  6. “Let’s go toe to toe on the Bible, b*tch.”
    “Ask and you shall receive, suckah.”
  7. “Give me a beer, little bro, before I give you a serious noogey.”
  8. “We’re taking you b*tches hostage.”
  9. “Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of it’s milk right–right off the tip of this, man!”
  10. “She probably went right from the clinic and banged some guy and got knocked up, because your mother was a giant whore.”
  11. “What’s with the heat?  I’m roasting like a suckling pig up here!”
  12. “Do you remember what they called us in high school?
    … The Aluminum Monster and Fatty Magoo!”
  13. “The only crime that’s being committed today… is the crime of ugliness.  And sadly, you can’t press charges for that.”
  14. “Yeah… right… like the earth is ‘magically’ getting hotter…”
  15. “Oh, hello…. look who it is.  The girl who ruined my life by falling in love with my best friend and having sex with this guy.”
  16. “Oh, get a job?  Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies?!”
  17. “Why are you being so needy?  Don’t you realize how unattractive that is to me?  Don’t you want to be attractive to me?”
  18. “Now you’re just some stupid drunk chick lying in garbage.”
  19. “Hey.  Lookout.  Jesus, you’re in my way.  Hey, short stuff, outta the way.  Yeah, you saw me.  Outta my way.  Hi There…
    List?  I don’t need to be on that list, you idiot.  You piece of dirt.  Who are you?  I step on you.  I clean you off of my shoes at night.  I step on you, and then I throw away the shoe.  And that shoe, that I just threw away, that’s worth more than your worthless life, Mr.  And I’m pissed, cuz I love that shoe.”
  20. “Think about the dedication you gotta put in to eating the human body.  If he’s got that kind of commitment, imagine what he could do around the bar.”
  21. “Now my mom, she gets so beligerent and mean when she’s drunk, dude, she’s going to drive Frank right back into my arms.”
  22. “And this might also appeal to the whore in you,
    he happens to have beautiful sparkling blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.”
    “I don’t blink.”
    “The man doesn’t blink, mom!  The man doesn’t blink!”
  23. “Just layin’ low and breakin’ world records.  Don’t even think about breathin’, b*tch.”
  24. “We got a bucket of nose clams, fresh from the sea, sweet delicious nose clams that are lookin’ for a home, if you follow me … these are the kind of nose clams that make you wanna dance the night away…”
    “These are the kind of nose clams that you crush up into a line of white powder and you snort them up through your nose and they make you high, you use a dollar bill or a straw to do it, they come from Columbia, they’re illegal and they rhyme with propane.”
  25. “There’s something about that horse, buster.  It’s like we looked at each other and then there was eye contact.  I was looking at the horse and the horse was looking at me.  And then it hit me.  I think, maybe, I was a centaur in my past life.”
  26. “it’s just two men sharing the night
    it might seem wrong, but it’s just right
    it’s just two men sharing each other
    it’s just two men, like loving brothers
    one on top, and one on bottom
    one inside and one is out
    one is screaming, he’s so happy
    the other is screaming a passionate shout
    it’s the night man
    the feeling’s so wrong and right, man
    the feeling’s so wrong and right, man
    I can’t fight you
    man when you come inside me and beat me down with your strong hands
    I become the night….
    the passionate passionate night man”


[Please note: this list is not yet complete, for I still have season 3 to get through.] 

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